By Nabiha Salahuddin

Ever since I was young, I considered the dholki to be the crown jewel of the shaadi season. Who wouldn’t look forward to a vibrant, fun-filled night with close family and friends and the most colorful joras of the season? 

The women of my family would assemble at the bride or groom’s house, decorated in themes of orange and yellow and green pink; perfumed by the beautiful laris of marigold around the staircase bannister, around chairs and sofas and adorning the backdrop of the make-shift stage. We would gather around the one aunt who knew how to play the dhol, two or three other girls would grab a duff and we would sing traditional songs to our heart’s desire. Granted, I wasn’t very good at it, nor did I learn or understand most lyrics, but just the spirit of a female-centric celebration brought me immense joy. There are only few other events that can ever compare to the nostalgia and warmth of a dholki at one’s own home.  

As I grew older and learnt more about religion, I learnt the roots of so many parts of our culture are based in bidah, or tradition that has been appropriated from other cultures. The rasams we did and the colours we wore were handed down ancestrally from Indian culture, and so many other practices were simply not aligned with our religion. 

Growing older, I also noticed the rise in extravagance of such events. When once a small dholki at home had sufficed, now people would throw large scale events featuring choreographed dances, loud music, qawwalis and concerts by popular musical artists. 

Naturally, when you think of musical events in this day and age, what do you picture? I think of loud music, all the freshest bollywood hits setting the mood of the party. I think of a glamorous dance floor, featuring all the dances my cousins would have spent hours practicing. I think of ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls having a night of music and laughter, just a day before the sacred day of the Nikkah – when the bride and groom would be joined in holy matrimony and the Quran would be recited, and a dars would be given, and duas would be made for Allah to bless the marriage with His mercy. The stark contrast between the first 24 hours and the next is something we should all ponder. 

So recently, when I had to throw a dholki for one of my relatives at my own house, my mother and I decided to go back to our roots. To let go of what society has shown us, what bidah and traditions have taught us and to have our own fun while staying within the ambits of Islam. Because our religion isn’t difficult, contrary to popular sentiment. Our religion is easy to follow; it prohibits some things while letting us have free reign over all else. 

This meant we couldn’t have music, we couldn’t set up speakers and therefore we definitely would not be having dances. Secondly, the event had to be segregated. Thirdly, …. There’s no ‘thirdly’. Like I said – easy. 

As a fun twist, I added a few other activities and decided to make it a Dholki Game Night! Read on to find out all the fun we had and how you can throw a similar event too!

Step 1: Who’s invited?

Events like these are most fun with people you are closest to. So keep it small, invite the people you love, your inner circle of family and friends. We ended up inviting around 30 people, fifteen of which were my friends from college. 

Make a pretty e-invite and send it out well before-hand to ensure maximum turnout. Here’s the one I made: 

Step 2: What’re we going to do?

It’s crucial to plan your event according to the guests, their age groups and preferences. There must be something for everyone.

It’s a dholki, so of course there must be singing. But it’s also a game night – so make it competitive! For my event, I planned out three games to maximize the traditional essence of a dholki, but also make it as competitive and engrossing as possible for everyone present. 

The first game we played was antakshari. One of the most popular dholki games enjoyed through a long line of generations, this is sure to be loved by all. If you know the traditional dholki songs, and you have the spirit, antakshari can be the star of the night.

The second game was a buzzer-style Guess the Song trivia and required some prep before-hand. I took a well-known song lyric and translated it to english, or depicted it through emojis and showed it on a screen. Both teams would have to decode it and yell out the answer as fast as they could, and the first team to reach 11 points won the game. 

Luckily, Team B won antakshari and Team A won the trivia, which set the perfect stage for the third game where all my friends were fully energized and motivated to win the game night championship. We’ve all played tic-tac-toe; make the tic-tac-toe board life-size, use different soft drink bottles as markers for both teams and race to get three-in-a-row: and you have the perfect tie-breaking game to end the night. 

All in all, this line-up of activities was perfect for us as antakhsari caters to everyone in their 20s and older, the younger ones are better at guessing the song trivia and the youngest ones are sure to give it their all in floor tic-tac-toe. 

Step 3: What’s for food? 

Let’s keep the biryani and salans for the wedding. My favorite trend recently has been the street-food menu at pre-wedding events. Since it’s such an activity-based event, keep the menu short and sweet (and savory). We had the most mouth-watering pani-puri with all sorts of crunchy toppings, bun kebabs, chaat and hot live jalebis. Perfect amount of food, nothing was wasted Alhamdulillah, and everyone loved it. (The food was so delicious that I forgot to take photos and now regret it as I write this blog, but trust me it was amazing.)

Step 4: Extras

Is a desi shaadi even complete without gajray? I don’t think so. Set up a pretty tray of simple gajray at the door to greet your guests and they will surely smile at this little touch of detail.

For photo-ops (as that is something us girls love to do) I set up a large mirror for us to take photos in. Just beware: some haseenas might love this feature a bit too much. 

Additionally, I thought it would be nice to have some props, although I didn’t want to make any paper ones. So I bought a few funky sunglasses that have been trending lately and everyone took turns trying them on through the night, and having their moment for the photos.

Step 5: Make it a night to remember

It’s always nice to have a little souvenir for all the guests to take back. It’s a little token of appreciation to everyone I love for taking out their time and spending it with me and my family. Honestly, my favorite part of planning this party was curating the souvenir station.

It featured a lovely bangle basket, full of colorful choorian I had handpicked for all my guests, tied in silver and gold ribbons. Apart from that, I kept an assortment of candies and chocolates. As a final touch, I created personalized name tags for all the girls and tied them to the goody bags. Every one could pick the good-bag with their name on it, fill it up with candies and pick their favorite set out of the bangle basket. 

Saying AllahHafiz and seeing off your friends and family on this note leaves them feeling the warmth of a night very well-spent. 

There are, of course, some things I should have paid more attention to, or could have done better. But I hope that Allah recognises the little effort we make and forgives our shortcomings.

I hope you liked reading about my night and I’d love to hear back from you if you’ve done something similar!